tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52447793841971803472024-03-19T16:34:00.129-04:00The Third ParagraphWhen you "cut to the chase" you're moving to the third paragraph where the story gets juicy. The Third Paragraph will dispense with banality and focus on social savvy and professional excellence and why it matters in a world gone clueless.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-60395841075401895752010-10-19T13:29:00.002-04:002010-10-19T13:41:36.202-04:00Full DisclosurePeople, if you feel you must write a book, let me give you some advice: Do it before you turn 57. Reason: Author's photo. And that's not all. After the pictures come back (and most were terrific), the photographer has their retouching department turn you into a fembot...so plastic you look otherworldly or at least Madison Avenue wordly where all the children are above average and no one past the age of 50 has a wrinkle on her face.<br /><br />But I digress.<br /><br />Now that the book is completed (save for the foreword but I'll leave that alone for now), I feel a strange sense of relief. I'm sorry, it's not strange at all. It's relief. Relief that I had the good sense to hire a nanny who not only whipped me when I was bad but also told me bedtime stories about how happy I would be when it was finished. Readers, if you don't know Susan Gedutis Lindsay, you are missing out on one of life's great experiences. A superb editor and marvelous human being. She made it happen. Yeah, yeah, I wrote the words but she punched up the copy, got rid of the nasty commentary (such a pity...it was all well-deserved) and voila! found the perfect designer, Megan Verdugo, who created the most adorable...I shouldn't be foaming at the mouth but the book really is terrific with illustrations by painter Susan Sugar. And available next month at Amazon. (Such shameless plugging...I guess I'm ready for my close-up now, Mr. DeMille.)<br /><br />Which reminds me...if you're going to write a book, do it now, do it soon, do it before the grey hairs and the marionette lines settle in.<br /><br />That's all.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-53947117335201850772010-08-10T15:39:00.003-04:002010-08-10T16:10:25.523-04:00Dressed for readyA client came in and when someone shares their narrative I have the compulsion to share part of mine. Nothing too personal but my great friend Linda is a big believer that we learn from stories.<br /><br />So let me tell you the story that I told my young client:<br /><br />Many many years ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and women went on "Queen for a Day" and vied for refrigerators by telling the tawdry and sad tales of their life, I was a young account executive at a blue chip public relations firm. Very wet behind the ears yet somehow possessed of this strange ability to look more sophisticated than the people I reported to. <br /><br />One day I arrived at the office and shared the elevator ride with the company's CEO and serial philanderer. He gave me the once over and then barked "what's your name?" I told him and he grunted something. I was temporarily working on the 15th floor at the time which was where the big boys and girls sat -- all the executive vice presidents, senior vice presidents, vice presidents -- everyone in shouting distance from the CEO so he could observe their comings and goings (oh and did I mention that he had a permanent tan that was so dark it could only come from a can?) <br /><br />A few hours passed and my phone rang. The woman I reported to said "Ellen, what are you doing this afternoon?" Thinking she wanted an update, I started to tell her all the important work I was doing when she cut me off and in her crisp British accent said, "Forget that. You're going with me and the CEO to (Fortune 100 company)."<br /><br />My response was logical: "But I don't have my clothes."<br /><br />Her retort was equally logical (by her bizarro logic): "Don't worry. You can buy a toothbrush at the airport."<br /><br />And away we went. To pitch a million dollar account for the company. Me...brand new to the company. So new I still hadn't figured out how to pad an expense account. So, what's my point? I was ready. Not really ready but dressed for ready. The CEO could envision me as part of his team and after a little research, felt that I had the confidence to handle myself in a high-stakes situation.<br /><br />I am convinced that most of the opportunities I've had in my career have had to do with two things: luck and a polished presentation. Okay, maybe three things: luck, smarts and a polished presentation but since we can't control luck, we really have to make sure that we're on our game at all times. Forget casual -- always dress like you're about to jump on a plane and head to the boardroom and blow them away with your exuberance, intelligence, and yeah, superior taste in clothes.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-48867066643865442732010-08-03T14:06:00.004-04:002010-08-03T15:37:25.421-04:00She's BaaaaaaaaaaackGod it feels good to be back blogging. Did you miss me? Nah, only joking. I'm not that needy. Actually, I stopped blogging so I could write "The Essentials of Fabulous: A Primer", a must-read book for anyone who wants to standout and be memorable in a very virtual world. Publishing date: To be announced and announce it I shall.<br /><br />A year later, I can say with full confidence: Nothing's changed. Everyone is still staring at the little screen in their hands. We're still slurring our names everytime we leave a message. We're still blathering when we leave a voicemail message. Newsflash: No one listens to the very end of any message. We look at the name and the number and when we reach you, we force you to repeat everything you've said. <br /><br />Leadership is M.I.A. Either the bosses are terrified of their employees or they don't have the people skills that are critically important to running a successful company. Over and over, people tell me hair-raising stories about bosses who berate and criticize but can't muster up a compliment now and then. Poo on those bosses. <br /><br />Unemployment is sky high yet there are still jobs to be had but only for the very well-connected or people who have access to personal stationery and who are unafraid of doing the drudge work of writing letters and asking for a meeting. <br /><br />A while back, a potential client came in for a complimentary half hour. The guy told me his story -- lots of resumes sent out and no responses -- and I listened and took note of his demeanor and presentation skills. Let me reiterate: it was a complimentary half hour or maybe it was a full hour (I'm admittedly sloppy about the time especially if the story is somewhat interesting). Anyway, here's the point: The time we spent together was FREE yet the man never sent me a thank you note to acknowledge the gift of my time.<br /><br />There it was -- the answer to the man's poignant question "how come I'm not getting hired?" He wasn't doing the maximum which is what it takes to make it today.<br /><br />Then there was a client who kept missing appointments but when she did show up, she complained that business was off. Lightbulb! Maybe her clients got sick and tired of waiting for her and decided to work with someone who respected their time. I wish I could say I helped her but I couldn't. She didn't want to change her m.o. We parted ways and I wish her well.<br /><br />That's why I felt I needed to write "The Essentials of Fabulous: A Primer" (I'm just practicing for when I do a tv spot...you've got to repeat the title of the book at least three times). It's a how-to for anyone who doesn't get it (Chapter Eight), who doesn't quite grasp the importance of a polished presentation. It matters. More than ever.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-22497973296614463972009-12-17T13:21:00.003-05:002009-12-17T15:00:08.854-05:00Tone DeafIt will go down in our family's text messaging history. When a simple "O.K." on a missive required hunkering down with The Lord High Executioner over the real meaning behind the scion's response.<br /><br />Was there something deep and meaningful in A.'s decision this week to respond to an impassioned email with capital letters? Just a few weeks ago, A. had written "o.k." as the solo response. Now he'd written "O.K." Hmmm. Was lower case a stony shrug and upper case a celebratory high five?<br /><br />It wasn't the first time that a single word response has forced me to consider the writer's feelings behind the message. And you know what, I hate it. I hate cryptic responses because it opens the door to confusion. I have a colleague who writes "Sure" a lot and I still stare at that word trying to figure out the tone -- is she writing with a sneer or a smile?<br /><br />If you're going to write emails, I suggest you first look in the mirror and see how terrific and approachable you look when you smile. Now when you're in that upbeat frame of mind, start writing. My bet is that your likeability rating is going to go up (and my therapy bills are going to go down).Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-43141590005527228302009-05-15T13:16:00.002-04:002009-05-15T13:27:23.675-04:00Tuesday Night at the Tribeca RooftopIt's almost like a psychological epidemic: The Great Recession is the greatest buzzkill of our generation. We're supposed to lay low, stop eating foie gras and absolutely, positively do not attend charity events that have the word gala in the invitation. So the savvy women of the Business Council for Peace did what all savvy women out to do: They listened to themselves. And threw a humdinger of a fundraiser. Because nothing, not even the Great Recession is going to stop the fine work they're doing on behalf of the entrepreneurial women of Afghanistan and Rwanda.<br /><br />If you haven't been to the Tribeca Rooftop in New York City, you should beg, borrow or steal an invitation because it's utterly fabulous. The view from the rooftop is heart-stopping and it gave the party the right kind of off-hand elegance that defined the night. Rather than the ho-hum tables of eight and ten, Bpeace went with a grazing format so that you could eat the most delicious hors d'oeuvres all night long. Everything clicked especially the DJ Rolando who kept making deft segues from rock to punk to Motown. The evening's highlight: Five especially curvaceous dancers from Bollywood Funk NYC funking it up to "Jai Ho!" with the crowd mobbing the dance floor to reenact that final (mood-elevating) scene from this year's Oscar winner "Slumdog Millionaire." Yes indeedy, suffering was forced to go on a temporary hiatus.<br /><br />Despite a torpedoed economy, Bpeace's volunteers outdid themselves and raised nearly $95,000 which will continue the new business development programs that have launched <br />at least 40 different businesses since the group formed in 2002.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-57523575387298892182009-04-28T12:21:00.003-04:002009-04-28T12:32:14.703-04:00Wine (or lack of)I should probably blame the wine.<br /><br />I didn't have any.<br /><br />That's a problem these days especially when you're elbow-to-elbow with the rude and clueless. No one should endure insufferable behavior without some sort of anesthetic.<br /><br />Imagine this: You're at a black tie affair on a Saturday night. The hosts have spent oodles of money to entertain you with food and music, charming decor and plenty of vino. After the hors d'oeuvres you head to your table to take your seat and then hopefully, if you're a very good guest, you're on the dance floor to whirl and twirl and shimmy and shake. In-between dances, you eat and circulate, introducing yourself to strangers, smiling warmly at everyone in the room for you're all here to celebrate a happy occasion. That's what great guests do: They hold up their part of the bargain they've made to the host and hostess. They will be as gracious and hospitable as the hosts to make the evening memorable.<br /><br />Nice thought. Too bad it went like this:<br /><br />After the hors d'oeuvre hour, the guests head to their table and take a seat. Blackberries and Iphones are removed from the handbags and pockets and placed to the left or the right of the dinner plate. They immediate alight, announcing text messages and incoming calls. The guests answer the phones, heads bowed, feverish concentration on their furrowed brows. Damn, it's loud, they whisper to one another, a bit peeved by the noise. The choice is stark: Talk and dance and engage in some chitchat with your table mates or communicate virtually with someone across town who's checking in to see how the party is going.<br /><br />Virtual wins.<br /><br />No wonder we're miserable.<br /><br />Actually, no wonder <em>they're </em>miserable.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-331600190585240142009-04-22T14:53:00.006-04:002009-04-22T15:23:10.940-04:00Don't Just Sit There....Do Something!<br /><br />That's my rallying cry for today.<br /><br />And I don't mean "cry" as in whine, baby. I mean my call to arms.<br /><br />Listen to this: Reporter James Surowiecki wrote a piece in last week's <em>New Yorker</em> magazine called "Hanging Tough." In the late nineteen-twenties, two companies -- Kellogg and Post -- dominated the relatively new market for ready-to-eat cereal. When the Depression hit, Post did what a lot of companies are doing today -- reined in expenses and cut back on advertising. Kellogg did the opposite: Increased advertising, new products, aggressive marketing. By 1933, even as the economy went on life-support, Kellogg's profits increased by nearly thirty percent and it had become the industry's dominant force. As it is today.<br /><br />Morale of story: Every business has two options right now -- take a "wait and see" (Honey Bunches of Oats) or "full throttle" (Frosted Flakes). Simple as that. <br /><br />Right now I am seeing lots of opportunities to get in front of influential decision-makers. The reason: Nobody knows anything. We're all trying to figure it out on a day by day basis and so when an expert comes a-calling with a clear and lucid message, we're all ears. And when everyone is hunkering down in their batcave, there's something compelling about meeting with someone who's optimistic. Resourceful. And nice (don't forget to send a thank you note.)<br /><br />Uncertain times are scary yes but they can also create opportunities. Take a risk. Upgrade your website. Schedule some lunches and pick up the check. Polish your narrative so you come across as focused, energized and supremely competent. Do something big, grand, exciting and different.<br /><br />Think Froot Loops (Kellogg). Not Pebbles (Post).Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-74453094521663311772009-04-20T17:44:00.001-04:002009-04-20T17:44:55.737-04:00LAUNCH Tackles Recession Fatigue on News12<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'><p><object height='350' width='425'><param value='http://youtube.com/v/L77cDtnShkg' name='movie'/><embed height='350' width='425' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' src='http://youtube.com/v/L77cDtnShkg'/></object></p></div>Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-9879110387749895952009-03-26T15:18:00.007-04:002009-03-26T15:39:45.646-04:00What Shoes?Weather report: Rain, in mid 40s. What's on the calendar? Meetings and ah yes, lunch with a former colleague and friend. What shoes?<br /><br />I do not suppose that any normal person would think about their shoes upon arising but really you should. My window to the soul is the sole (and the heels). While I'm hopeless at picking stocks (see Qualcomm), I know everything from the scuff marks, the down at the heel heels, the round or squareness of the toe box.<br /><br />I suppose I should explain:<br /><br />Many years ago I was invited to a rather swank and private party at Bergdorf Goodman. When I got up that morning, I saw three inches of snow had fallen overnight. Very bad. Everything had to change -- the pants, the coat, the hat and most importantly the shoes.<br /><br />While I would have loved to throw caution to the winds and wear the perfect ballerina heel, I knew I couldn't. Big, heavy, leather boots c'est moi. What a pity.<br /><br />I took the train to New York and then the subway to 53rd and Fifth. As I crossed 57th Street I spotted two stunning creatures alighting from a black Lincoln Town Car. Wearing the most impossibly high and strappy sandals and slingback pumps, they entered BG's side entrance and the three of us shared the elevator to the third floor.<br /><br />You don't need to rub it in, I know: Bring the gorgeous ballerinas and change in the ladies room.<br /><br />I still think about that morning tea and how it doesn't matter how much therapy you've had, how many clients you've helped, how many campaigns you've launched. Sometimes all that really matters is wearing the right shoe, nor'easter be damned.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-7513221162768032922009-03-24T15:53:00.004-04:002009-03-24T16:19:47.640-04:00Showing UpIt's only fair to tell you that I'm a dropout. At the beginning of my second year in the local religious school, I was escorted out of the building and asked not to return. My crime: Bringing pretzels into the classroom that were not marked "kosher."<br /><br /><em>Whatever.</em> I grabbed my notebook and unfinished homework and never looked back.<br /><br />That's probably the last time I said "whatever" and meant it. These days I'm rabid about showing up.<br /><br />Good example: I just received a call from a potential client. He'd like to discuss working together. Could we meet this afternoon? <br /><br />Of course we can. But only because I'm dressed for ready.<br /><br />I bet you can think of at least three occasions when you passed up an opportunity to have lunch, take a meeting, initate a conversation, introduce yourself because you showed up for the day...but barely. You know what I'm talking about -- sloppy pants, ill-fitting jacket, unwashed hair, shoes that need a good polishing -- and funnily enough you probably knew as you were getting dressed that you were shaping the trajectory of your day.<br /><br />Here's another way to look at it: Can you afford to let an opportunity go unmarked? Do you look at every new relationship as an opportunity to tell your story, widen your network and move in new circles? Are you moving through your life with purpose?<br /><br />I know it would save time to skip the morning ritual of laying out the clothes, the accessories, even the silly barrette matchup. And there are times when I deride myself for caring so much about, well, practically everything.<br /><br />On the other hand, I'd rather care about a lot of things than care about nothing.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-50916341342812191582009-03-16T11:36:00.011-04:002009-03-16T16:01:57.926-04:00Corduroy at a Funeral?Mon Dieu! The Lord High Executioner slipped on his admittedly comfortable corduroy pants as we dressed for a funeral on Long Island.<br /><br />"Corduroy at a funeral?" I asked. "Surely you jest."<br /><br />"Is there a rule for it in your Book?" I thought about it for just a long minute. "Of course there's a rule for it in my Book."<br /><br />I do have a lot of rules. I'm deeply and passionately in love with proper behavior. And frankly no one should wear corduroy to a funeral. Or shorts to the theater.<br /><br />I still marvel at the chutzpah of a relative showing up at my grandmother's funeral in elasticized waist pants with a sweater that needed a good de-pilling. What was she thinking? This is a woman who sports a three carat emerald ring so she certainly could have worn something a bit more soigne.<br />But no...it was her <em>whatever</em> moment.<br /><br />When you attend a funeral your clothing sends a message about how you respect and share the grief. You don't have to don "widow's weeds" but you certainly need to reflect the seriousness and gravity of the situation. Sport jackets, ties, pressed pants and good shoes for men and skirts or dresses for women. Can there be any more formal occasion than celebrating someone's life?<br /><br />I looked around at Sunday and saw people in track suits, jeans and yes, corduroy. (You can't win every battle.)Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-56839757384501861092009-02-23T12:49:00.003-05:002009-02-23T13:17:04.756-05:00Don't BiteOne of those robotic types called this morning to discuss the extra charges that were added to my latest trip. Luggage: $15 per flight. Failure to book within 21 days: $50. One day we're going to look back and marvel at the way companies in the heat of the recession chose to bite rather than kiss the hand that feeds them.<br /><br />I saw it yesterday, too when I decided last minute to add more turkey to the order and the deli counter guy <em>had a postal</em> because he had to re-open the envelope and stuff in a few more slices. (Question: Is it oxymoronic for a deli counter guy to go postal or just plain moronic?) Shouldn't I be "yes ma'am"ed since I'm in the store ("Stores Are Begging Consumers to Shop") and not sitting home creating spreadsheets of my husband's expenditures?<br /><br />Speaking of spreadsheets...ladies take note: Now that business has fallen off the cliff our husbands still deserve a chance to demonstrate their prowess with Excel so be prepared to receive attached documents outlining your daily expenditures. It's one thing to justify six ounces of the most sumptuous white tea from one of NYC's grandest tea salons at the time of purchase (excellent for boosting the metabolism) and another thing to justify the purchase while trying to wiggle into fitted black skirt (clearly, metabolism is still not up to speed).Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-36501602092120691412009-02-18T12:00:00.008-05:002009-02-18T15:20:00.887-05:00Channeling Howard Beale<em>You would think </em>the management of the ultra-haute gym (for New Jersey, anyway) I frequent would put the absolutely most fabulous people at the front desk. And the owner does...a delightful and people-pleasing Marco who does a superb job. But when I arrived this morning and went through the checklist ("is MSNBC/Morning Joe on a monitor?") one of the gym's physical trainers was standing alongside Marco demonstrating attitude. Excuse me, ATTITUDE. Affecting a look that was a combination of rolled eyes and contempt, the clod nearly got away with it except...I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE ("Network").<br /><br />Have you seen that 1976 classic movie? A deranged network anchor by the name of Howard Beale starts to rant and rave about the media, finally throwing open the window and shouting, well, see above. He was referring to the media's inanity. I am referring to the insolent and obnoxious behavior that somehow got a pass way back a few months ago (pre-Recession) but suddenly doesn't feel right. Today's Times has a story about how the recession has forced sales people to be nice to customers. Quelle horror! On Madison Avenue, no less. Who's going to shop now that humiliation and indifference are verboten? Very troubling.<br /><br />I started to walk into the gym but stopped in my tracks. I went back to the desk, to the arrogant young man and asked him "What's with you?" Again, the vacant stare. "I don't enjoy starting my day like this. Kindly do not Dead Fish me again." I swear I could hear applause coming from the ladies' locker room.<br /><br /><em>You would think</em> that the management of this ultra-haute gym (awright, maybe not ultra haute) would talk to his employees about customer service especially in a time of cholera. Gyms are wonderful places but they're not high on a list of consumerables like milk and bread. And with the weather getting warmer, you can get a terrific workout in the park or on a bike. For a lot less money than a gym membership.<br /><br />I think I'm being way too hopeful when I write "<em>you would think</em>." Clearly no one at this gym, ultra haute or not, is thinking. And that's too bad because once you open the window and starting ranting, it's awfully hard to stop.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-54297995739113954732009-02-05T15:10:00.006-05:002009-02-05T15:50:16.649-05:00Image In A Time Of CholeraHave you heard the theory "emotional contagion?" We can only be as happy as the people who live or work near us. Evidently, it doesn't matter if your best friend is Pollyana but she lives 1000 miles away...if your next-door neighbor is mood-disordered and perpetually angry, you're more likely to catch <em>his </em>mood.<br /><br />Scary.<br /><br />Luckily for me, the guy who sits in the next office is a cockeyed optimist. And no matter the news cycle, the guy sticks to his work, plans his vacations, takes his wife out to dinner and sports a startling array of smart-looking sweaters that he wears over crisp oxford shirts. Even his shoes are shined to perfection...wonderful.<br /><br />Over a business lunch a colleague confided that she had caught herself complaining about work and the dearth of opportunities. She was shaken by her dispirited commentary. "What was going on?" she wondered. I mentioned "emotional contagion" and she brightened with relief. "You're right," she said, "I've been talking to too many people. I've got to get back to my work."<br /><br />I urge my clients to vent and wail but not in public and certainly not in front of anyone with influence. No matter what is going on in your life or in your business, it's important to protect your image. The public's perception of you and your company has been achieved by a series of calculations. You cannot be cavalier about those calculations -- they served you well and will continue to serve you well in the future. But right now the air we're breathing is toxic, filled with anxious and dyspeptic ruminations.<br /><br />I realize it's hard to escape the Cassandras (especially now) but we can out-smart them. Limit your phone calls or visits. Don't feel obliged to share their doomsday scenarios. And shine your shoes. I'm convinced it's one of those acts that will ward off the plague.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-67426424547529245202009-01-30T14:48:00.008-05:002009-01-30T15:35:48.838-05:00Good News/Bad NewsOnly The Lord could come home with this marvelous opening line: People aren't dying anymore.<br /><br />The Lord had lunch the other day with a business colleague whose brother is in the funeral business. Turns out the brother's business is down. "Down?" I said, somewhat incredulously since I read the obituary page everyday and frankly, that page is still going strong.<br /><br />"Well, maybe not down, " said The Lord. "But people are definitely not having big funerals. It's all cremation."<br /><br />So we're dying but we're not being laid to rest in velvet-lined coffins. Mon Dieu! Even the little things like an elegant send-off is being impacted by the recession.<br /><br />So here's an opportunity: Despite the deluge of bad news, look for a way to create a little elegance in your life. When everyone is sending email thank you notes, break out the box of blind-embossed note cards and send it by mail. When meeting an old friend for lunch, grab the check. Wear a skirt and heels even if you're working from home. Let people know you're thinking of them.<br /><br />And when everyone is going to the hereafter in a cardboard box, put away a little sum each week to ensure you travel in something deluxe. Or leave your credit card number with a friend -- she'll get the miles!Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-18655275159891048772009-01-27T14:12:00.009-05:002009-01-27T15:12:10.102-05:00Sharp ElbowsOn my way to the airport after a perfect weekend in Colorado, I mused aloud about my parenting philosophy. "All I wanted to do was raise children you could sit next to on an airplane," I said. "Write that down," said Kristina.<br /><br />But it's true.<br /><br />Think about the last trip you took. Generally I sit in the aisle seat which significantly decreases the annoyance factor but this time there were no seats available so I was assigned the window on the way to Colorado and the middle on the flight back home to New Jersey. On both trips I encountered the dreaded stereotypes: The difficult, impossible to please (aka "Mother") lady who resents getting up to let you use the rest room and the zoned out 23-year-old who commandeers both armrests.<br /><br />Reader, let me assure you that in both instances I emerged victorious but that story is for another day. This story is about Sharp Elbows.<br /><br />As good as I am as a mother, I must admit to a significant liability: I did not raise children with Sharp Elbows. In fact, my elbows (while very soft due to a daily application of both Johnson's Baby Oil and shea butter) are overly consumed with etiquette. More Jacqueline Onassis than Hillary Clinton. And while the Lord Executioner is a lovely man, he too is a slouch in the "S.E." department thus depriving our sons of a suitable role model when it comes to edging out the competition and having a take-no-prisoners-attitude to life.<br /><br />Pity them. In the brand new world, zoned out 23-year-olds who can commandeer both armrests serenely oblivious to disapproving body language will do just fine. Better than fine. And to think otherwise is wishful thinking.<br /><br />To acquire sharp elbows one must do the following:<br /><br />#1 Do not get overly-entangled with someone else's feelings.<br /><br />#2 Start off the day with a head full of steam rather than a head of deflated air.<br /><br />#3 It's all about you...if you want to succeed.<br /><br />#4 Even if you think it's obnoxious, keep calling and emailing until you get to see the person that can open a door and make your career.<br /><br />#5 Great manners are critically important to your presentation package but don't underestimate the power of steely and wily strategic thinking.<br /><br />#6 Drop important names to establish your street cred. Of course some people may interpret that as desperate and contemptible but who cares?<br /><br />#7 Ever hear the phrase "wait in line?" Neither did woulda/shoulda senator Caroline Kennedy.<br /><br />#8 Do not be afraid. Despite the ubiquitousness of the cloddish, most people err on the side of shy and reserved rather than fearless and intrepid. Go for it! It's amazing what a little assertiveness can do you.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-19397763252235130672009-01-07T13:56:00.011-05:002009-01-07T15:12:22.688-05:00And a Viscount Shall Lead HerNew Year's Day. The Lord and I met the Viscounts for Vietnamese food in New York's Chinatown. We were tackling the hors d'oeurves when Viscount A. said something along the lines of "This is a great deal."<br /><br />I laid down my chopsticks and sighed. "What's wrong?" asked A., always more perceptive about changes in mood than the rest of the gang.<br /><br />"This is gonna be a very long recession if every time we eat out or buy something we feel we need to congratulate ourselves for doing it on the cheap," I said.<br /><br />Viscount A. shook his head in pity. "I said 'this is great fish.'"<br /><br />We all laughed, perhaps a little too hard. We're starved for fun, that's for sure.<br /><br />For the last few weeks I've been trying to find the fun. I switched coffee flavors at Dunkin' Donuts. I called friends who wallow in the ridiculous. I reread "Amy's Answering Machine" which is a must for anyone whose mother thinks you've been abducted if you are not at home on a snowy night. I practically did a raindance. And finally the clouds parted when I saw how foolish it would be to succumb to the 24/7 grim news cycle -- foolish and dangerous.<br /><p>In these fragile months ahead, don't start a losing streak by disappearing, second-guessing or pulling the plug on new plans or ideas for 2009. If the loop inside your head is a cacophony of pessimism and negativity, delete the tape. Keep building bridges to the people that are generous and smart and, when you need it, ask them for some brain power. And laugh even if it's at your own expense (especially if it's at your own expense).<br /></p>Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-56745751617844036142008-12-17T15:30:00.004-05:002008-12-17T15:47:38.536-05:00Traffic CourtAccording to the ticket for a crime (not stopping at a stop sign) I swear I didn't commit, I had to be at Hackensack's Town Hall at 9:00 this morning yet here I was putting on the Dries shirt from last year with the grey wide-legged pants at 8:45 in a panic because what do you wear...to traffic court?<br /><br />Maybe it's my paltry inner life or could it be my paltry life but these 'events' weigh heavily upon me especially when I need to make the sartorial decisions that either grease my trip or trip me up. "I'm going in front of a Judge for chrissakes," I shouted to The Lord as I unbuttoned the shirt and tried on the white Henley, way too sheer to be worn solo but perhaps with a cashmere Henley over it? No, no, no...too casual. I've watched enough shows to know that this -- court -- is the epicenter of glowering individuals just ready to throw the book at you. I knew the message I needed to craft was of a fine, upstanding, law-abiding citizen (who frankly had been caught in a dragnet that was meant to line the coffers of Hackensack's crumbling economy). Besides the shame of getting pulled over for absolutely nothing (okay, maybe I didn't do a full stop but I definitely tapped the brake), I now had to deal with the annoying two points on the license which in the scheme of things doesn't really mean too much but still. Last time I had four points I drove like an old grandma in a Ford Valiant, worrying every time I saw a police car behind me. I'm 55 now...there are few pleasures left and certainly going over the speed limit on the turnpike is a decided pleasure.<br /><br />Fine, the matching v-neck sweater with two strands of vintage cherry amber. Nobody would know they're worth anything so I won't look conspicuous. Maybe just a watch, my tiny gold watch, probably the nicest gift the Lord ever gave me. I'm done. Just as I walked out of the bedroom I took another peek and noticed I wasn't wearing earrings. Would big, swinging hoops be too insouciant? Might the Judge judge me as someone who's a bit wild and therefore prone to not only going through stop signs but also cutting through a private parking lot to avoid the terrified driver who can't jump in front of traffic at the stop sign? (That was eons ago but I suffered those four points for three long years.)<br /><br />I need a little post of an earring. Nothing too eye-catching but something fine since this is a court of law. You would think all this would come naturally since I've relentlessly stood up for the skirt rule at funerals but no, now it's almost 9:15 and I'm still unsure as to the size of the earring since there's the teensy diamond pave ball earrings that are so tiny they could only be considered ironic or the slightly larger pave balls that are far more soigne but perhaps riskier? I'm sure I'm channeling previous anxieties from long ago epochs when paterfamilias and mamafamilias handed down their daily pronouncements but seriously...I've got to get to court.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-17605521909472990002008-12-09T10:27:00.012-05:002008-12-09T15:41:35.308-05:00Look Up, Not DownAnyone know of a nice cave for rent? I have considered other possibilities but I think a cozy bunker might be the ticket for winter '09. Really, who wants to stick around for the 'shock and awe' clips of our economy under attack. Isn't it obvious how the race to the White House morphed so seamlessly into the Great Depression 2.0 so as not to impact the ratings?<br /><br />During the heat of the campaign when things started looking grim, Sen. Obama urged his followers to tune out the cable stations and the blogs and just relax. May I suggest we all do the same? Heavens, if you could go in and tinker, please do but if you're just like me, there's very little you can do except:<br /><br />Call your favorite recent graduate who is still trying to catch some wind in his sails. Don't deny the reality of the job market but let him know you're available for support when he's feeling overwhelmed.<br /><br /><p>Know someone who's been downsized? She could use your brain power. Cut adrift from the corporation is akin to getting tossed out of the family manse. Let her know she can find an intelligent listener when she needs it.</p><p>Make <em>yourself </em>indispensable. Treat everyday like it's the first day of school when making that first impression was critically important to the rest of the semester. </p><p>Attitude trumps Aptitude. Fine, you're a brilliant marketer but you're also moody and difficult to work with. That's not the reputation you can bank on.</p><p>Return phone calls, emails, text messages -- even smoke signals -- within 24 hours. In the old days, B.R. (before recession), those details were annoying but not job-threatening. Now, everyone's got to play championship ball. </p><p>Be anything but generic. From your cover letters to your voicemail messages to the way you sign off on your emails, craft an image of someone who values competence and purpose with a big dollop of energy and flair.</p><p>Look up, not down. If you were climbing a mountain you'd focus on the summit, not the abyss.<br /></p>Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-42203694747969599802008-12-08T14:05:00.008-05:002008-12-08T15:00:23.806-05:00And What Are You Wearing?Are you familiar with Patricia Marx? She's one of the cleverest of writers at the New Yorker and in last week's Christmas Shopping article she enchanted me with the line, " What are you wearing to the recession?" In all the Great Depression stories handed down by my beloved grandmother Tillie, I do not recall a single anecdote (alas) relating to her attire.<br /><br />When the going gets tough, the tough must demonstrate even greater fortitude and resilience in their sartorial decisions. And that is why I stood in front of the closet this morning and carefully weighed the choices.<br /><br />Comfort is out. Anything that suggests complacency is verboten.<br /><br />Color must be muted. Camouflage anxiety by sticking to neutrals rather than the flashier jewel tones.<br /><br />With the economy in flames, go for pieces that are flame retardant like simple skirts, perfectly-tailored pants, starched white shirts, sensible shoes (women) and crisp shirts, pressed pants, jackets and yes, ties (men).<br /><br />Don't you love a woman/man in uniform? Whether it's work or play, opt for clothes that bespeak an appreciation for discipline and focus.<br /><br />R.I.P.the accoutrements of entitlement (drainpipe jeans, high heeled boots, stratospherically expensive handbags, unironed shirts).<br /><br />Everything old looks new again. (Hint: Shop the closet)<br /><br />Go counterintuitive. No matter how grim the news, start out each day looking like a zillion. Your stock is still soaring no matter what.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-6188621123827433472008-12-03T10:41:00.011-05:002008-12-03T11:50:56.179-05:00Give Truth Some SheenI am partial to employing the Socratic Method whenever a big important question lands on my radar screen so today I wish to thrash out the important difference between bulls**t and spin.<br /><br />Last week a phone call with a colleague who said "business is booming" gave me pause. No one I know except maybe Mark M. who runs a second-rate tombstone company in Brooklyn is having a banner year yet this colleague never wavers. Not only is his business great but his personal life is pretty extraordinary too. Unlike the rest of us who slog away at long-term marriages, this remarkable man has never been more in love with his spouse.<br /><br />From a marketing standpoint, my colleague has staked a very muscular position. He's painting a vivid picture of someone unbowed and undaunted by a tanking economy which might lead me to think that he's not only awfully good at what he does but lucky too. So, he's spinning. On the other hand, since he lives in another part of the country and I see him infrequently, he could also be full of s**t. Is there a difference?<br /><br />I think there is.<br /><br />I'm a huge fan of spin. Your business is up, your business is down...who cares except you? Masters of spin understand the importance of literary license to create an aura of dogged determination and accomplishment. Can you imagine getting through the day if everyone told the truth?<br /><br />Spin is a way to shape your personal narrative, to make it clear that no matter how tough it is you're up to the fight. Armed with some spicy spin you will rarely duck from conversation since now you're simply embellishing the truth, giving it a nice lovely sheen. Spin is therapeutic, too since the more you say it, the more you believe it and that's wonderful. Nothing makes me heart go faster than hearing my own spin and reigniting the passion for what I do. That's the cool thing about self-generated enthusiasm -- it's exponential.<br /><br />As for bulls**t, it serves little purpose except sabotage. It's the surest and quickest way to sever a relationship, connection or opportunity. And that's the one thing we never want to do, do we?Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-81223764904607244152008-12-02T12:39:00.010-05:002008-12-02T13:33:53.444-05:00Socks to the Knee!Hmmm. For the last few weeks, I've been weighing whether to focus on the most logical or the most frivolous way to approach the economic downturn. While The Lord would advocate for logic, my penchant is to leave that to the more sober-minded and look for opportunities to demonstrate a more creative mindset.<br /><br />This is absolutely not the right time to lay low. Yes, I know, that does seem to be the most natural stance to take but it's counterproductive. Do not hide and do not keep your mouth shut. This is the time to come out swinging! Those who can demonstrate a confident, easy and accessible manner will have the edge when the going gets less bumpy.<br /><br />Out-charm your competition with an engaging manner that puts people at ease. Smile first, initiate a hello, start a conversation with a stranger, hold the door, stand when you shake hands, offer compliments, write handwritten thank you notes, return your phone calls, close the loop on emails, offer referrals, recommendations and research and treat people as if you're incredibly happy to see them.<br /><br />Knife-blade sharp pant creases, polished shoes, manicured nails, up-to-date eyeglasses, freshly-laundered shirts, socks to the knees (men), textured socks under pants (women), off-beat accessories like a beret paint a picture of someone with disciplined panache.<br /><br />Wit, humor, whimsy can't be underestimated especially now when the stakes are high. President-Elect Obama is a study of someone who relishes the chance to be witty while still keeping his hand on the rudder. The importance of being (too) earnest is vastly over-rated.<br /><br />Nurture your contacts so they're ready if you need them. It's so much easier to cross a bridge than build one. Use the holiday as a reason to call or send a card but for godssakes don't send a <strong>Christmas</strong> letter. (Have some mercy.)Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-39661618960279897622008-11-25T16:20:00.006-05:002008-11-25T16:53:10.214-05:00Without Options....Pfffffffffft.The authoritative voices drone on, painting images that haunt me in my dreams as news of the financial crisis eclipse even Madonna's civilized divorce. While rabidly following the simultaneous meltdowns, I remain warily optimistic that even under the worst of circumstances people will go to dinner, buy tickets to the theater, get their hair cut and carry on with aplomb.<br /><br />The secret to managing the unmanageable is to review and rereview one's options. Without options, all is dire. Pffffffffffffft.<br /><br />Option #1: You will not hide but instead, treat each day as an opportunity to do it better.<br /><br />Option #2: No matter how grim the news, exercise, eat a healthy breakfast, pull out the sharpest clothes and wear them with flair.<br /><br />Option #3: I really do believe that the most powerful form of advertising is to be exceptional therefore no matter what you do, do it with focus and passion.<br /><br />Option #4: Energy and imagination are particularly seductive qualities so hone these skills by reading, thinking and surrounding yourself with the brainiest and most generous of colleagues.<br /><br />Option #5: You are not alone and can reach out to colleagues, advisors, mentors as well as talented and gifted friends for support and counsel.<br /><br />Option #6: No matter the obstacles, hold to your vision and purpose of where you want to go. Dogged persistence is rewarded (ask John Updike).<br /><br />Option #7: The only way to get out of a slump is to hit some balls, make some phone calls, schedule some lunches.<br /><br />Option #8: Perception trumps reality so you are always in the midst of projects, opportunities and deals. Nothing's scarier than someone rumbling around on four flat tires.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-75168874741318511232008-11-18T13:50:00.006-05:002008-12-02T13:41:18.935-05:00Child's' PlayFull disclosure: I swoon for competence and get batty when incompetence and imperviousness go hand-in-hand.<br /><br />This morning I showed up at the car dealership for a valve change. An email predicting dire consequences if I ignored the value replacement arrived in my mailbox two weeks ago. Dutifully, I scheduled an appointment. The customer service representative went to get the paperwork and oh no, sorry Mrs. S., your car is not the car that has the recall.<br /><br />He smiled gamely. I sat there. He showed me the paperwork to confirm the recall didn't pertain to my car. I waited. With no peace offering in sight (An apology? A complimentary car wash?), I left.<br /><br />Whenever a mistake has been made, treat it as an opportunity to showcase your inimitable sense of professionalism and style. I've seen some colossal mistakes in my time but only the ones handled with deft and graciousness ended well. I still regret missing the meeting when the incorrigible Mary W. suggested a deceased celebutante as a spokesperson for a line of hair care products. Rather than own the mistake, she compounded it by blaming the most junior staffer on her team.<br /><br />It takes guts to scale a mountain, face down a pit bull or eat blowfish sushi. Admit to a boo-boo? Child's play.Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5244779384197180347.post-72110718639829879012008-11-06T15:19:00.014-05:002008-11-06T16:58:35.074-05:00Madcap Heiress Scary TalkWell, people, here's a question for you: Are you still dressing for success or have you switched to duress?<br /><br />While the dress/success style worked wonders through the left high and dry periods in my life, these days I need more armor. Truly, when even a chance encounter means listening to madcap heiress scary talk ("Neiman-Marcus is going bankrupt"), a cardigan thrown around the shoulders simply won't do.<br /><br />Here's a round-up of essentials to wear when the dow is down, the mood is grim and talk of a bread line is not for a loaf of Poilane in the 6th Arr.:<br /><br />Go monochromatic. Nothing looks as rich or as powerful as all-black, all-navy, all-grey.<br /><br />Get a steamer. Not only is there no excuse for wearing anything rumpled or crumpled, it's aging and pity-inspiring.<br /><br />Gloves and a scarf. It's amazing how well-chosen accessories can ward off evil naysayers simply by the discipline they connote.<br /><br />Polished shoes. I'm starting to bore myself on this subject but nothing looks as sharp as a pair of well-shined shoes. Ladies, take note: This goes for you, too.<br /><br />Skip the trends. If you're immune to whimsy maybe they'll think you're immune to an economic turndown.<br /><br />Shop the vault. Shopping the closet was yesterday's epiphany...today it's about shopping the vault where you keep Grandma's platinum watch (wear it alongside your everyday watch) and Mom's pearls (add the fake stuff and voila, it's brilliant).Ellen Lubin-Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04542070274645585657noreply@blogger.com0