Sharp Elbows

On my way to the airport after a perfect weekend in Colorado, I mused aloud about my parenting philosophy. "All I wanted to do was raise children you could sit next to on an airplane," I said. "Write that down," said Kristina.

But it's true.

Think about the last trip you took. Generally I sit in the aisle seat which significantly decreases the annoyance factor but this time there were no seats available so I was assigned the window on the way to Colorado and the middle on the flight back home to New Jersey. On both trips I encountered the dreaded stereotypes: The difficult, impossible to please (aka "Mother") lady who resents getting up to let you use the rest room and the zoned out 23-year-old who commandeers both armrests.

Reader, let me assure you that in both instances I emerged victorious but that story is for another day. This story is about Sharp Elbows.

As good as I am as a mother, I must admit to a significant liability: I did not raise children with Sharp Elbows. In fact, my elbows (while very soft due to a daily application of both Johnson's Baby Oil and shea butter) are overly consumed with etiquette. More Jacqueline Onassis than Hillary Clinton. And while the Lord Executioner is a lovely man, he too is a slouch in the "S.E." department thus depriving our sons of a suitable role model when it comes to edging out the competition and having a take-no-prisoners-attitude to life.

Pity them. In the brand new world, zoned out 23-year-olds who can commandeer both armrests serenely oblivious to disapproving body language will do just fine. Better than fine. And to think otherwise is wishful thinking.

To acquire sharp elbows one must do the following:

#1 Do not get overly-entangled with someone else's feelings.

#2 Start off the day with a head full of steam rather than a head of deflated air.

#3 It's all about you...if you want to succeed.

#4 Even if you think it's obnoxious, keep calling and emailing until you get to see the person that can open a door and make your career.

#5 Great manners are critically important to your presentation package but don't underestimate the power of steely and wily strategic thinking.

#6 Drop important names to establish your street cred. Of course some people may interpret that as desperate and contemptible but who cares?

#7 Ever hear the phrase "wait in line?" Neither did woulda/shoulda senator Caroline Kennedy.

#8 Do not be afraid. Despite the ubiquitousness of the cloddish, most people err on the side of shy and reserved rather than fearless and intrepid. Go for it! It's amazing what a little assertiveness can do you.