Traffic Court

According to the ticket for a crime (not stopping at a stop sign) I swear I didn't commit, I had to be at Hackensack's Town Hall at 9:00 this morning yet here I was putting on the Dries shirt from last year with the grey wide-legged pants at 8:45 in a panic because what do you wear...to traffic court?

Maybe it's my paltry inner life or could it be my paltry life but these 'events' weigh heavily upon me especially when I need to make the sartorial decisions that either grease my trip or trip me up. "I'm going in front of a Judge for chrissakes," I shouted to The Lord as I unbuttoned the shirt and tried on the white Henley, way too sheer to be worn solo but perhaps with a cashmere Henley over it? No, no, no...too casual. I've watched enough shows to know that this -- court -- is the epicenter of glowering individuals just ready to throw the book at you. I knew the message I needed to craft was of a fine, upstanding, law-abiding citizen (who frankly had been caught in a dragnet that was meant to line the coffers of Hackensack's crumbling economy). Besides the shame of getting pulled over for absolutely nothing (okay, maybe I didn't do a full stop but I definitely tapped the brake), I now had to deal with the annoying two points on the license which in the scheme of things doesn't really mean too much but still. Last time I had four points I drove like an old grandma in a Ford Valiant, worrying every time I saw a police car behind me. I'm 55 now...there are few pleasures left and certainly going over the speed limit on the turnpike is a decided pleasure.

Fine, the matching v-neck sweater with two strands of vintage cherry amber. Nobody would know they're worth anything so I won't look conspicuous. Maybe just a watch, my tiny gold watch, probably the nicest gift the Lord ever gave me. I'm done. Just as I walked out of the bedroom I took another peek and noticed I wasn't wearing earrings. Would big, swinging hoops be too insouciant? Might the Judge judge me as someone who's a bit wild and therefore prone to not only going through stop signs but also cutting through a private parking lot to avoid the terrified driver who can't jump in front of traffic at the stop sign? (That was eons ago but I suffered those four points for three long years.)

I need a little post of an earring. Nothing too eye-catching but something fine since this is a court of law. You would think all this would come naturally since I've relentlessly stood up for the skirt rule at funerals but no, now it's almost 9:15 and I'm still unsure as to the size of the earring since there's the teensy diamond pave ball earrings that are so tiny they could only be considered ironic or the slightly larger pave balls that are far more soigne but perhaps riskier? I'm sure I'm channeling previous anxieties from long ago epochs when paterfamilias and mamafamilias handed down their daily pronouncements but seriously...I've got to get to court.